Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
