Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
