Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
