do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
