why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
