Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
