You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
