Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize