so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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