if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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