There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
