My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
