Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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