New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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