Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
