You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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