so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
