Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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