There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
