i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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