If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
