omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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