Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
