How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
