i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
