I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if only i could text you this smell
love makes seman taste better
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
