I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
