got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
my poor anus
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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