I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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