the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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