Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
