M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
