Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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