I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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