Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
