I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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