K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
