All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
