2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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