Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
