mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
