After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
