if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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