Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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