Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize