Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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