I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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