; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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