I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
