can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
