I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
