she takes plan B like it's going out of style
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
