I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
