I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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