im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
