I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
4 words: hood of his car
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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