Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize