Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
