I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
