You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
