this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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