can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
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