Its about making memories worth repressing
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
