the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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