This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
