I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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