If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
