She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
