I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
