Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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