people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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