Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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