Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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