yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
